December 31, 2007

it's been a long time, i know. creatively, the invisible line has been crossed, between what can still be captured in words, and what has seeped, disolved or run for cover to my more silent library of personal experiences. only the right combination of wine or company or stirring energies reopens those chapters, each still continuing in their own way, which is also my way, because i created them.

but even then, after some time, the words i give to the thing become a layer between the story and the experience itself. perhaps one of my weaknesses as a writer is that i need things to be fresh, alive, literally pulsing through me at the moment of composition, in order to find the words to bring my world inside, into the world outside.

so some stories will remain with me, for now.

but i did want to check in, because it is the last day of 2007. and it has been no small year for me.

despite the turbulence and unresolved emotions of the recent past, i cannot remember ever feeling as content as i do now. it's not that i have shed my skin, but rather that i have found a way to wear it that suits me quite well.

i am, maybe for the first time, all of me. not just one part that is happy, or another part that is sad. but all of me, in entirety, at the same time.

and here's the revolution: i like me. i like me just fine.

and actually, i like everyone.

and when people ask me, “how are you?”, i have begun to respond with a new combination of words for me:

“i feel perfect.”

it cracks me up when i think about it. i do feel perfect.

i have enough love in me for everything that comes my way, and this love, increasingly, is making my road very smooth.

and as I enter 2008, i could ask for nothing more.

taken on December 31, 2007