Tuesday, December 11, 2007

beyond words

i regret never posting after Kopan. i am writing this now 10 months later, but will slip it into this place on the blog, the place where the most transformative experience of my life should have been given expression.

i did write a few emails in the weeks after I left the monastery. so that all is not silence, i will paste a few quotes here.

and i will just say this... everything i wrote then is still true. and the transformations I underwent as a result of what I learned at Kopan, remain the most positive turning point of my adult life.
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"I can say that Kopan is the best thing I have ever done in my life. finally to feel something real, something really real. friend... it's beyond words. I stayed there for five weeks, and then it was time. A few days ago I left my new spiritual home, and headed out into the world to be tested, and also to test what I have learned..."
~
"I have been trying to observe my mind as I normalize after the safety and seclusion of the monastery. it's quite remarkable the mental hecticness i let myself live with, and how much energy my mind burns on things it cannot control, or change. how much energy is put into desire or fear, and not even with a constructive outcome. my brain spends so little of its time on truly constructive things, and almost no time getting in touch with its spiritual foundations. so, i would like to gently help these things to change..."
~
"kopan was a revelation and a journey, and in terms of just plain natural beauty, beyond words. i was grateful for every day i woke up there, and felt so deeply nourished by the experience as a whole. even though, there were some difficult moments, and confronting ones too..."
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"i have decided to continue traveling for now, to continue studying eastern philosophy... i know in some ways things are still just beginning. i open up more every day, and experience many beautiful and healing moments..."
~
"i have come back into myself, and am regaining that strong core. the person whose life i can benefit most right now is my own, and it's time for me to really do that..."

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