The Happiness Delusion

So i asked you guys if there is anything you want me to blog about. Got this right away... (This is fun. Send more!)

I would like to know about how to hold on to the feeling of happiness/contentedness, and not get used to it, and then expect more to keep feeling that way.

Funny that i would receive that one, as despite my continuous efforts to put teachings on this into practice, it remains mainly an intellectual exercize – my heart still wants, and wants.

But of course, I understand that the question isn't really to me, but to the universe. So on behalf of the universe, i'll give it a go...

Maybe it's best to break out the question into three parts:

1. Happiness vs. Contentendess

Personally I feel that happiness and contentedness are two totally separate things. And while contedness leads to happiness, happiness does not return the favor.

Happiness on its own is a hungry thing. It needs to be fed. Usually it comes from a high of some sort... an injection of something desired.

Happiness is a celebration of the heart. An experience of life as we want it to be; or of ourselves as we want to feel. It is also, in its hidden layers, a form a relief.

Unlike happiness, Contentedness, in its nature, is not reactionary. It comes through learning to be at peace with the way things already are. Contentedness doesn't contain the hunger happiness does. It is a calm thing, because it has less expectations.

Contentedness gives us space to appreciate all the things around us. By not depending on any one thing, it removes anxiety and fear. This gives way to a feeling of general happiness, in which we get to marinate.

Happiness, meanwhile, is attached. It usually has a focus, a reason. And we don't want to lose that feeling, because without it, we would no longer feel happy.

That's why the vast majority of us live our lives surfing the ups and downs, with varying degress of skill. We work on feeling happy, instead of learning how to be content.

2. How do we avoid getting attached to happy feelings?

The spiritual schools i've come across all observe that the pursuit of happiness in the western sense is a doomed struggle. The reason for this, is that it denies the truth of what they call Impermanence, or Transience.

Impermanence is the understanding that nothing stays the same, ever. Everything that exists, also ceases to exist. All feelings change. All thoughts are subject to revision. All physical objects age, and eventually disappear (except, apparently, plastic).

The greatest obstacle to a lasting happiness, a.k.a contentedness, is that we irrationally believe that anything can be permanent. There is not, nor ever has been, any evidence for this.

We feel something good, and grow attached to the conditions that created that feeling. Then one of two things happens: the conditions change, or our feelings change even if the conditions don't. This is simply an energetic law of the universe. There are no exceptions.

But before we get despondent, we can chillax knowing that Impermanence doesn't have to be a major event. It can be subtle, causing no harm, changing nothing. A feeling can come, and go, and come again.

Impermanence doesn't mean we don't get to enjoy something for the length of our lives. It just means we don't enjoy it in the same way we did on the best day; and likewise, bad days are guaranteed a respite as well.

3. Why do our expectations make us miserable?

Because they are totally irrational, and have no basis in reality.

We want to feel happy. So logically, we seek out experiences that make us happy. Eventually that happy feeling comes, and we're thrilled. So far, so good.

One morning we wake up, and the feeling is not there any more. The mind starts to search for reasons. We end up blaming something – ourselves, someone else, an event, whatever.

We then immediately need to apply a balm... something needs to change in order for us to feel happy again. Again, the mind searches for what that could be.

In the specificity of our disappointments, we lose track of the greater reality. In the flow of things since the beginning of time, everything has constantly changed. Whatever caused your current flux can also be viewed as irrelevant, because if that didn't create change, something else eventually would have. It's the nature of Everything.

Expectations are a demand that something stays the same; or has a particular outcome. But in reality, nothing stays the same, and the outcome of anything is unknowable. If we were wise, we could just relish the mystery.

When a feeling changes, it doesn't necessarily mean something that was right has become wrong. It's just a reminder that we're not really in control, and the path of least resitance is, always, just to flow.

The path to acceptance is remembering Impermanence. Gratitude is then greatly magnified for the gifts that we do get. And that 'attitude of gratitude' later carries us more gracefully through the shadows of change.

Disclaimer
I suck at all of this. But it is nice to know.