i arrived in havana 14 days ago. one night, somewhere in the middle, i slept well. for the rest, every day, i wake up in the morning a little more tired than the morning before.
for the first week, i don't pay much attention. everything is new and interesting, and i have major salsa fever. i am happy to spend as many hours as my body can on the streets.
but then i got tired, and wanted to sleep, and couldn't. and things started to change.
in the morning, i am dragging. the sound of drilling starts sometimes at 7 a.m. if not that, it's people pouring out of their cramped apartments into the streets, and yelling things at each other from hundreds of balconies. children going to school. dogs screaming about their hard lives. cars honk in a 1960s kind of way. i'm in maze of sound. and for the insomniac, a maze of aggravation.
i didn't realize until 3 hours ago that i had insomnia.
the last three nights, i have been out until 3 a.m. dancing to truly incredible salsa bands. in addition to the good hearted local encounters, this has been my main respite: my dance classes, and the salsa clubs.
when i dance, i get my energy back for a while. i feel joyful and focused. nothing bothers me. and when i step back out onto the streets later, i feel wonderful. happy to be in the middle of this madness.
and i am fully aware that while i am just a visitor here, the people around me can never leave. my mornings of feeling trapped are just feelings. for the cuban people, being trapped is an absolute reality.
so, back to the last three nights. i get home late, beyond exhausted. no more morning spanish classes, so I am sure that i will sleep through the noise now, just sink into relaxation.
instead, i wake up before the noise starts. exactly five hours after falling asleep.
and that's it. by the time the noise kicks in an hour later, i am disbelieving. no technique i know has worked to put me back into R.E.M. i've lost the battle for another night.
the noise mixes with the tiredness, it's making me crazy. ironically, the only way to make it stop is to get up and walk into those streets, surround myself totally with the noise. from the heart of it, i desensitize myself.
the next night, the same thing happens. i have a morning to sleep in, and i can't.
the next day, yesterday, i can't take it anymore. an opportunity arises, and i jump into a cab to the country side. pinar del rio. a beautiful province in western cuba.
i will sleep there, and walk. and reconnect with where i am. Cuba. an amazing place i have become too tired to appreciate.
45 minutes into the cab ride i am absorbing nature, listening to silence. i feel relief. and happiness at being where i am. i can almost forget everything else.
i believ i will sleep well in the rural silence waiting for me. so last night, i have my usual high energy, and don't get to bed until midnight.
... cut to now.
3 hours ago, at 5 a.m., i wake up.
5 minutes later, i am still awake. 10 minutes, more awake than before.
15 minutes. shit. i don't believe it.
then, just before 6 a.m., the roosters start. it's now almost 8, and they haven't stopped. at one point, i felt every animal for miles was yelling in my ear. for HOURS they haven't stopped. they don't fucking stop. just yelling and yelling and yelling.
in the distance across the valley, hundreds call. on my street tens answer. the dogs join in, maybe telling them to shut up as well. it doesn't work. it's endless.
now the cars have started, even out here. the birds are awake. the sun is up. this night, too, is a lost cause.
the toilet paper in my ears had done nothing for me. i feel like an unhappy zombie.
i am here for one more night, looking for rest.
maybe tonight. i will get into bed early.
tomorrow morning i will buy a ticket to mexico, for the day after. i have to go somewhere where there are no chickens.
please please please, they have to have tickets.
and i am no longer a vegetarian. i've decided that from now on, i will ONLY eat chicken. starting with breakfast. fuck'em.
i'm getting dressed, and going out into the loud, loud world.
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