i wrapped my mosquito net, usually flowing all bridal-like around the edges of my bed, into a tight ball suspended weightless in the air. let them bite me tonight. i wanted open access to the window, and for the window to have open access to me.
without that layer of the mosquito met, i imagined that i was somehow closer to the jungle outside. i imagined i could hear all its noises more vividly now. the rustling of ten thousand leaves. the chorus of toads and geckos. the birds trading observations and secrets.
outside my bungalow window. there is an open view of the sea out to the right.
lying on my stomach i hung my arms out of the window, and felt close to the air, to the altitude, to the breath of the monsoon. fran, my adopted kitten, seemed concerned with a part of my body disappearing into the darkness outside. so with that horrid continuous screech (that has alienated her from others but endeared her to me), positioned herself on the thin strip of mattress between my chin and the open window, creating a fluffy red buffer between my body and the rocky descent outside. i wish i could let her know somehow that i was leaving today, and that it is nothing personal.
at 6.30 a.m. i decided to rise. the light over the sea was gentle, like a porter opening a door and with his other arm open wide saying, 'please, welcome, come inside...' i had a long, cold shower, during which i got bitten some more. but no agitation at all. interesting.
my bungalow neighbour had decided to stay on at the sanctuary and work for a few months, so i leave her with a few of my things, including The History of Love which she has been reading, and i retrieve my Nepal Lonely Planet, because soon, very soon, it will be time. A warm hug and see you soon.
my new friend bianca was the best wingwoman i could have hoped for
I descend the hill at 7.50 a.m., just as people from the sanctuary and neighbouring beaches are ascending for the 8 a.m. yoga class, which i am sad to be missing. the first person i meet is bianca, the sweetest friend and wingwoman i have made on this trip so far. more kisses and rainchecks. Adam from California sees us from inside the yoga hall and comes out for yet another high five and big smiled... 'i lllooove you, man..' I happen to be holding on to some incense, a note and some left over green for him, all of which i was going to leave at the front desk, so I hand it over.
i descend around the next bend and bump into another, and then another. they form what feels like a procession on this mountain path, each one warm and eyes smiling, each imparting me with their own wishes for the road, with their own blessings, with their own form of spiritual protection.
when was the last time i was surrounded by this much free-spirited good will? when did i last have this many friends in one place to embrace me? i arrive sweating and smiling to the pillowed heart of the sanctuary, at the bottom of the path, at the water's edge. more early risers are strewn around, lifting lassis and ginger tea to their lips, sipping softly, relaxing into silence.
the light is like a permanent pink dusk today. the water is calm. the rain is giving me safe passage. i sit at the bar with inga and luci, whom i have befriended easily, without having exchanged many words. i know luci has been traveling for over a year, and teaches english in northern thailand. also that she's fallen in love with a tattooist on haad rin, and was living with him for over a month until a small drama a few days ago. i know inga is from germany, and has a textile design business in hamburg.
"you're not leaving," says luci in disbelief. i knod. "but you're an institution here!" i smile modestly but to be honest i am deeply touched. i have felt a great sense of belonging at the sanctuary. although my stay was short, i felt very much at home. "how long have you been here?" she asks. "a little over one week," i say. "n-o-w-a-y..."
yeah, i don't believe it either. i really feel like i am leaving a little makeshift family behind.
and also, a whole lot of really good food. so i order myself a banana porridge and mango papaya lassi. while i eat, i chat with the boat guys, the manager, a few of the other staff. and then it's time.
i'm on my way north, to chang mai. it was a sudden descision i made upon waking yesterday morning, stirred i think by something looming inside me that needs movement in order to rise and reveal itself. i have told myself that what the road wants, the road will have, so i am leaving these comforting shores, and forging on into whatever comes next.
i swing my backpack to where it belongs, roll up my pants, and wade into the water. the lowtail boat is waiting for me a few feet from the shore.
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